Fear

This photo reminds me of what my horse thinks will happen, every time we leave the safety of his pasture.

As my teen aged students are fond of saying, "How is that like your life?"

photo courtesy of National Geographic best pictures of the year 2009

Last Winter

With all the unusual snow everywhere this year, I felt compelled to post some photos from our winter, here in Montana, last year.

We typically get a LOT of snow, although this winter we have nothing, nada, zilch.  Mud and bare ground. very, very strange.

I feel for all of you that are combatting blizzard after blizzard and shoveling piles and piles of snow. It is no fun!  Last year I must have shoveled snow off the roof of our hay shed 6 or 7 times.  Off the roof!  geepers! 

The first photo is our big barn, with my garden in the foreground.  Those little things that look like racing hurdles are actully the tops of my trellises- 6 foot high.

this second photo is a view from our car port toward the garden, the gate is also 6 feet high. Lastly, my babies eating their breakfast on a snow bank!

The Chariot

Ahhh..... driving.  I used to consider myself a driver. Of course, I grew up in sunny southern California, and driving there was easy.  Good roads, good weather, enough street lamps that even night looks like a clear sunny day.   I used to drive around just for fun.

My how times have changed.  Now that we live in the land of ice and snow, my attitude towards driving has changed.  I am that jerk you get stuck behind who refuses to go over 35 mph on the posted 55 mph road, just because 3 snowflakes fell, 7 hours ago.  Yep, that's me. Nervous Nellie, white knucklin' it down the highway. Only in the winter of course, summertime is no problem.

I am lucky that my job is footsteps away (I walk), and that my husband is a trained professional.  Driver that is!  When errands need to be run, I can always count on him to carry us where we need to go.  It does, however, put a cramp in my style when there is something I want to do, that he is not interested in or able to do.  Like this spinning (fiber not exercise!) class I am taking.  I now have to find a way to get my scaredy cat self there.  Every week, at night, in the winter.

Well last night was the first class.  And I made it there and back, but here is the story.

In order to get to class by the starting time, I pretty much have to leave work, get the car and take off.  My dear husband was sweet enough to pick me up from work and bring me home, so I wouldn't be rushed.  I ran in the house, dumped off my work stuff, grabbed up my fun stuff, kissed my sweetie goodbye and piled into the Chariot.

The Chariot is a 2000, forest green, Plymouth Neon.  I imagine even brand new she had a few squeaks and wiggles- she is just that type of car, what is commonly known as a Discard-a-car.  She came into our life in 2003. We had been looking for a cheap, good, used, cheap, dependable commute car.  Did I mention it needed to be cheap?  We found a used car dealer that fit most of our criteria, that we affectionately called "Over the Mountainside Auto".  They specialized in a certain type of vehicle, namely vehicles that had sustained some type of horrific damage, cosmetic or otherwise.  The baby we came to look at had been in something they called a "light rollover". I am still not quite sure what that means, but it put this almost new sedan into our price range, so it seems like a good thing.

We loaded her up on the flatbed trailer we had towed along for this purpose and brought her to her new home.  I must admit, she began her life with us pretty generically, referred to simply as "the green car" to distinguish her from "the red car" and "the blue truck" (are you sensing a theme?).  She, however, has personality, and as we all well know, personality goes a long way.  Since her arrival we have put about 140,000 miles on her and I think probably her light roll over was the easiest time in her life.  She faithfully carried my husband for 4 years on a 74 mile per day roundtrip commute.  She has been to Oregon to look at draft horses, she has served as a camper a number of times, and I would wager that she has carried more bags of feed than 90% of the pick up trucks around.  She even survived a bear attack.  Ok, not so much an attack as a collision, on the highway, at 50 miles an hour.  Bear, car and occupants all survived, although the bear went away with a limp and the chariot has a big tooth hole in her hood as proof.  

But I digress.  I wanted to fill you in a little on the background of my mode of transport before I tell the story of going to spinning class.  Where was I? Oh yes., I had just piled into the Chariot.

Well, down the driveway we go, ice be damned.  Out onto the back roads, we negotiated the 4 miles between our house and the highway- dodging potholes, avoiding ice piles, keeping our eyes peeled for wayward deer.  As I crept down the steep grade that ends in a stop sign as the road tees into the highway, I was feeling pretty good about myself.  I stopped, looked both ways (no lights visible in either direction- All right!!) and entered onto THE BIG ROAD. 

The big road around here is Montana State Highway 200.  This is what Wikipedia has to say about it:

Highway 200 in the U.S. State of Montana is a route running westerly covering the entire state of Montana, from the starting point of ND 200 near Fairview, Montana to ID 200, near Heron, Montana. The highway is subject to hazardous driving conditions in the winter, particularly due to black ice.

Yeah, thanks.  Anyway, it is a small, windy, two-lane strip of blacktop that goes through some of the most heavily forested habitat in North America (think deer, elk, moose dashing out at inopportune moments to freeze in the headlights and stare at you while you attempt to panic stop. or just panic and not be able to stop) And, to top all of this off, guess what the speed limit is? Nope.  It is... 70 mph!  Really.  You can haul ass through here if you want.  On a perfect driving day, clear, high visibility, dry roads, etc. I have been known to achieve this on a long straight away, but last night was different.  It was dark (being night and all) and drizzly.  However, it was rain, not snow, and warm enough that I knew it would not (could not) freeze up on the road, but cold and wet enough that most of the wildlife would be holed up, waiting for a break in the weather.

Once I was comfortably on the big road, I thought this is great.  I decided- "I am going for it. Balls to the walls, pushin' it to the limit, racing in the rain." I felt good.  I imagined myself- driving my convertible sports car, with the top down, my racing goggles and super supple calf skin driving gloves on.  My white racing scarf blowing in the breeze next to my long beautiful hair and a little helmet on- more to keep my hair tidy than to protect me from some accident.

So I'm cruising along, feeling good and I think to myself, oh, I better check the speedometer, make sure I'm not over the speed limit.  A quick glance down...

WHAT?!? Are you freakin' kidding me?  50 miles per hour?  FIFTY?  It can't be- I feel like I am blowin' down the road, pushing the envelope, just at the edge of control.  And in reality, I am toddling along at 50 freakin' miles an hour.  What an ego buster.

The short of it is, I got to class in plenty of time, had a great lesson on the spinning wheel, got myself home safely and even turned the Chariot around in the driveway for my husband.

So, maybe not Danica Patrick (I had to Google female race car drivers!), but at least I was able to do it.

Me and the Chariot, that is.

2010- Word of the the Year

I was at Brene' Brown's website (Ordinary Courage) and she wrote about her word for the year.  Her word is "Inspire", which is perfect, because for me that is what she is all about.  She encouraged everyone to choose their own word for the year.

It looks like the idea originated over at Ali Edwards. Well, I think it is a fine idea and selected my own to begin this new decade.

Light.

I could come up with a great story involving dreams and smoke and a small genie appearing to me through the mist, however, the real story, as it so often is, is a little less mystical. 

A tea bag.

Yes, that's right, a tea bag.  I don't know how many of you are familiar with Yogi Teas, but in addition to being yummy, wholesome and good for you, each tea bag has a short quote printed on it. My office computer monitor is testament to my affinity for these quotes (and my addiction to the teas).

The day before I read Brene's invitation, I pulled a new, particularly engaging tag off.  It reads:

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light.

I thought about that.  It is exactly how I want to live my life.  To leave the excess baggage (literal and emotional) by the side of the road.  To share joy, hope and a good laugh with as many people as I can. 

I want to shed the things I do out of "you should..." and move into more things that fall under the umbrella of "this sustains me".

So Light. As in Shiny. As in As a Feather. As in You better get your sunglasses, 2010, cuz here I come!!

Happy New Year to everyone!

P.S. Pick a word. come on do it, everyone else is.  one word won't hurt you, come on...

Horses

I thought I should write about horses.

I love horses.  I always have, since I was a little girl.  There is a photo that my mom used to show me all the time of me on this dirty, sad looking pony.  I am wearing a little girl cowboy hat.  I had a big fat lip from some un-remembered bump or fall.  I didn't care, I was horseback!  Thrilled to be there, even if it was just for a photo.  I don't know where that photo is now, probably in my dad's attic in the big box of photos.  My family was never big on photo albums, the pictures were always stored in a deep drawer in a big ugly "antique green" coffee table in our un-used formal living room.  I used to spend hours sprawled on the floor looking at old photos.  Besides Christmas Day that is the only time I can remember being in there...

Anyway, this is about horses, not old photos, although I do have something that bridges both.  This picture is my mom, sometime in the 1950's in Montana.  She and my dad rented horses and went off on the nearby trails.  No guide.  The ranch hand told them if they felt like they were lost, to just let go of the reins and the horses would bring them home. 

Currently, my horses are muddy.  And if not miserable, I would have to say they are at least mildly irritated at the continuing rain.  I am happy that they have a pasture to roam in, but I can't wait until the barn is done and they have a shelter to get out of the weather.  The weather mostly meaning the rain.  I never worry about them in the snow.  They are all in the prime of life (from 5 through 9 years old), super healthy, strong and with those wonderful fuzzy coats that you can just bury yourself in.  The snow lies on them like a blanket and when you put your hand down under their hair, by the skin, it is warm and dry, like a cozy cabin with a fire in the fireplace.  But in the rain, I fret.  I fear they will get soaked, even when they go up in their woods protected under the trees.  I am pretty sure it bothers me more than it bothers them.  They frisk around between the storms, nicker at me when I come out and generally appear happy, healthy and worry free.

That is one thing I love about horses.  They weather the storm, and look graceful, beautiful, and strong while doing it.  They are creatures of the moment.  When the weather is nasty, they put their butts to the wind and hunker down.  As soon as it clears up, they are right back out there, playing and enjoying themselves.  They don't harbor grudges, they don't judge you on your physical appearance, they just are.  When you let go off the reins, they'll bring you home.

Poetry Challenge!

Here is my poem, inspired by Diva's Bio Poetry Challenge.

So fun and I'm not even a poet!!

Lorie

Joyful, playful, healthy, fun

daughter of stoic, driven European immigrants

lover of......... riding horses through green mountain meadows

                                    bright yellow sunflowers in dark blue vases...

                                                brilliant full moons peeking in my nighttime window

Who feels grateful to be here, overwhelmed by the bounty of a joyous life and also deeply sorrowful over the suburbanization of our world.

Who finds happiness in spending time with her one true love,

working, laughing, loving.

Who needs big open spaces filled with animals and flowers.

Who gives her heart, and

Who fears it won't be returned.

Who would like to see society valuing the earth over profit.

Who enjoys porter style beers that taste like chocolate milk...

Who likes to wear her hair down, held back from her face by a small, sparkly dragonfly comb- that used to be mom's.

Resident of the Big Sky country, Hartsong Ranch

fabulous day!

I had just the most awesome day today!!!  Normally, I jockey a computer for 9 hours, 5 days a week, but not today!!!  Our Equestrian teacher had a vacation today and she asked me (yes me!) to cover her class today. it is actually more than a class it is 3 hours before lunch and then 3 hours after lunch with a small crew of 4 teenagers.  this morning we picked up poop and ran the wheelbarrows up onto the compost pile, we talked and sang along with old 70's songs, which none of them knew and I knew ALL the words to.  It was A BLAST!! 

Then we groomed all 6 of the horses and gave them a lunch time snack while we came back and had super yummy chicken for lunch.

After lunch, we went back out and talked a little about horse illnesses, then got one of them out and, with the aid of a labeled diagram, put post it notes all over her with the different parts- like hoof, croup, stifle.  it was soooo fun!  Then I got to show them how to put on a western saddle and bridle and they got to do a little riding. 

it was the absolute best!!  and on top of it all I got paid to do it!  so much better than sitting at the computer. 

yay horsies!!!

Trust

Trust has always been a big issue for me. 

I painted this little painting to highlight what I trust.  It wasn't planned, but looking at it, I can see it represents three things I trust and reveals something I didn't really realize, but know to be true about myself.

Can you see it?  Tell me what you think I trust and what part of this painting reveals about me!